April 8

Sometimes things are bad.  Sometimes things are frustrating.  Sometimes you can’t understand why.  Sometimes you work hard on things that you want to do well on and your hard work is completely overlooked and you don’t do well and you feel like a miserable failure.  Sometimes you forget that things are not as bad as they seem.

As a future teacher, I want to do my best in school so I can be the best teacher I can be.  I know that some people have different opinions on what college is for, but I am here to learn.  And when I’ve worked hard, kicked my butt, and done the very best I could do, and almost fail, I can’t deal.  Let me be cliche for a second:  I can’t even.  Because I can’t.

Let me get one thing straight — I am not a failure.  One bad grade will not cost me a scholarship, won’t lose my place in my cohort, won’t make me any less effective of an educator.

Praise God for His unending love!  Praise Him who brings my life out of the pit, who gives my life a purpose!  When I fall, I am lifted up in His arms.  Verse 8 says, “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love,” and without a doubt, though it is so easy to get caught up in school, in relationships, and life in general and all the negative things attached to it.  Sometimes life is a storm, and all it takes is Jesus saying, “Peace, be still” to calm the wind and waves.  And we can’t help but hear Him say, probably somewhat disappointed, “Do you still have no faith?”  (That’s from Mark 4, by the way.)  Let’s have faith in our Savior, who has conquered death and risen from the grave.  Let’s rejoice in our freedom that God bought at so dear a price.  We can stop being miserable for not being perfect and instead be encouraged that we were worth the perfect sacrifice to the King of kings.

The moment we turn our eyes from God is when we lose sight of Him; that sounds obvious, but we so often forget it in the moment.  Today my prayer is one to be encouraged to continually seek the Lord’s presence in my life, no matter what goes wrong, right, or when nothing is happening at all.

March 28

Two days ago at 8th Street, my church’s college service was dedicated to faith-filled prayer.  Before breaking up into small groups to pray, we were encouraged to write down a few things that we could pray specifically for and see specific answers to.  I knew what I wanted to see God do – I applied several weeks ago that for a camp counselor position this summer, but after submitting my application, I never heard back for an interview.  I didn’t talk about this desire or even write it down.  I actually told myself that it was too late, I wasn’t good enough, and God didn’t want me there. Continue reading

chirp

Oh to be a bird
floating on the warm wind
holding onto the breeze
Oh to soar across the skies

To reach out into the clouds
wings stretched wide
nothing to hold back
To be always striving

First to trust my own wings
certain they are strong
nothing can go awry
First having faith in me

But doubts push on
sleeplessly waiting
tirelessly hoping
But nothing happens

Take initiative?
scared to be wrong
don’t be afraid
Take the risk yourself!

Oh to be a bird
chirping on a branch
soaking up new life
Oh to soar the skies together