April 8

Sometimes things are bad.  Sometimes things are frustrating.  Sometimes you can’t understand why.  Sometimes you work hard on things that you want to do well on and your hard work is completely overlooked and you don’t do well and you feel like a miserable failure.  Sometimes you forget that things are not as bad as they seem.

As a future teacher, I want to do my best in school so I can be the best teacher I can be.  I know that some people have different opinions on what college is for, but I am here to learn.  And when I’ve worked hard, kicked my butt, and done the very best I could do, and almost fail, I can’t deal.  Let me be cliche for a second:  I can’t even.  Because I can’t.

Let me get one thing straight — I am not a failure.  One bad grade will not cost me a scholarship, won’t lose my place in my cohort, won’t make me any less effective of an educator.

Praise God for His unending love!  Praise Him who brings my life out of the pit, who gives my life a purpose!  When I fall, I am lifted up in His arms.  Verse 8 says, “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love,” and without a doubt, though it is so easy to get caught up in school, in relationships, and life in general and all the negative things attached to it.  Sometimes life is a storm, and all it takes is Jesus saying, “Peace, be still” to calm the wind and waves.  And we can’t help but hear Him say, probably somewhat disappointed, “Do you still have no faith?”  (That’s from Mark 4, by the way.)  Let’s have faith in our Savior, who has conquered death and risen from the grave.  Let’s rejoice in our freedom that God bought at so dear a price.  We can stop being miserable for not being perfect and instead be encouraged that we were worth the perfect sacrifice to the King of kings.

The moment we turn our eyes from God is when we lose sight of Him; that sounds obvious, but we so often forget it in the moment.  Today my prayer is one to be encouraged to continually seek the Lord’s presence in my life, no matter what goes wrong, right, or when nothing is happening at all.

March 29

I’m so tired of doing homework.  I’m so tired of being overloaded with obligations.  I’m so tired of feeling tired!

I woke up this morning after a great six hours of sleep (I can only sleep well in increments of three hours), started my day making breakfast with a friend, and ended up spending the day pulling some shenanigans with two of my best friends.  I didn’t complete nearly enough homework, but I am so thankful to be blessed with such a great day!  Praise God!

Psalm 103 reminded me that I should do God’s work.  As much homework as I did, I did His bidding, I did His will.  My Heavenly Father created me to teach kids (or at least get the degree for it), and preparing myself through schoolwork is the way I can serve Him.

March 28

Two days ago at 8th Street, my church’s college service was dedicated to faith-filled prayer.  Before breaking up into small groups to pray, we were encouraged to write down a few things that we could pray specifically for and see specific answers to.  I knew what I wanted to see God do – I applied several weeks ago that for a camp counselor position this summer, but after submitting my application, I never heard back for an interview.  I didn’t talk about this desire or even write it down.  I actually told myself that it was too late, I wasn’t good enough, and God didn’t want me there.

Junk.

I want to throw out the junk in my life.  I want a clean house, a fresh start, a new beginning.  But I can’t do that.  The junk in my life is what’s made me who I am, and I praise God for every single bit of it, no matter how dirty it gets.

Some junk is hard to get over, but I know that with some help I can climb to the top and conquer any obstacle.  Not a literal pile of junk, of course, because I learned from that one episode of Arthur that climbing in a junkyard only leads to a doctor’s visit and a shot in the butt.  But in all seriousness, God definitely gives me what I need to get over the junk in my life.  There are so many windows in my life to see how God has provided a way out of the junk:  I needed scholarships, and He provided in a way only He can.  I needed love, and I found love in His arms.  I continually long for peace, and I have felt peace in everything I have asked for peace in.  I carried sin around for so long, but God has a way of knowing how far you have to go before you turn back and see His glory, feel His grace, and start to seek His will.  He knows.

Maybe now that God’s helping me clean house, maybe my clothes will all be hung up, there won’t be any garbage to take out, and the dishes will do themselves.  Or maybe they won’t, because God never promised an easy, junk-free life.  He promised to help, and that’s good enough for me.

Psalm 23:4   Even though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff.

Exodus 14:14   The Lord will fight for you; you have only to be silent.

James 1:2   Count it all joy, brothers, when you meet any trial for you know that testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Phillipians 4:7   And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.